Lots of people have problems. If you’re normal then you have to just get the fuck on with your life or end it. You can come to terms with your problems, or struggle on with them, or bury them. I like burying them deep. If you’re rich, you can just throw money at the problem until the money runs out or you die.

For the past year or two I’ve been spending most of my time with mostly quite common people, all going to work and then consuming various substances (alcohol) to enable us to continue with our lives. I was raised in a well to do upper-middle-class environment and I still cling to that, because it’s all I have. My parents came from nothing and that is where they have returned to. My dad’s dad was an immigrant (A BLACK MAN!) and my dad’s mum was of poor (obviously) Irish stock (niggers of Europe). For the past several years my dad has been one of those dole scum that you hear about, stealing our benefits money, getting loads of women knocked up and killing their kids for profit. My mum’s parents are Scots and that’s where she’s moved back to. She’s quite well to do, lives in a nice area, but it’s all fucking relative. You should see the place, then you’ll understand why I love the South of England so much. 

So I make do with what I’ve got; my charm, wit, intelligence and good looks. I am like the Irish chap from the Woody Allen film about tennis where he falls in with the English Upper Classes and Brian Cox becomes his father-in-law (hehehe) and he kills that young American woman that the guy from Entourage is into. Oh, and sheer bloody luck,

I get on with things. I had forgotten that you could throw money at your problems to make them go away, until my friend told me a funny little story about a minor television celebrity paying for their child’s cosmetic surgery. That just seems to be the thing to do. Self-esteem only costs several thousand pounds. 

On a completely separate note: you can live in a house that is worth 90 times more than I earn in a year, but you can’t buy taste. You can buy expensive interior decorators to make it look like you have no taste. I’m sure that you can still be a lovely person?