Archives for posts with tag: hobbit

And my mother doesn’t use Facebook. She gets too many messages from guys wanting to hook up. She is a P.I.M.P. It kind of runs in the family … My brother is gay and loads of women want to sleep with me. He just hasn’t found the right boy yet.

 One time a man tried to sleep with me. “But Hugh!” I hear you say. “Lots of rich and powerful and intelligent and attractive men want to sleep with you”. Yes they do, and I am straighter than my gay brother. What can I say. But this one, even though he’d read English at Oxford, and made a lot of money, and had a lot of drugs, didn’t like The Hobbit. He didn’t have time for fantasy. And that’s a quote. Obviously anybody who likes books knows the importance of fantasy! When I met my new bezzy, who has read a lot more than me, we immediately recognised each other for fantasy fans and started a firm friendship based on being losers. 

But back to Dave, gurning his cheeks off. He told me he hated The Hobbit. A girl told me that Brave New World was a masterpiece and I was all over her. I ranted to an English student about such deep poetry and she didn’t call me back. Bitch.


We’re almost at 250 views. Another great milestone. Thankyou. I’ve not been posting much because I’ve been so horribly depressed, which is what I do. I’ve not yet been able to watch the new Harry Potter film, and The Hobbit is still over a year away. I remedied this today with some excessive retail therapy. I bought lots of chocolate for the week and then lots of wanky pretentious books online so that I look smart(er). The best thing for being sad is to learn something. My schedule for today lists a six-hour self-accusatory depression.

I wasn’t sure of what to write today. I’ve had the idea of writing something for your pleasure for a while now. I was also going to write some emails, but I think I went on YouJizz instead. I could tell you about the time I got in a fight with a guy when I was working because I was hitting on his girlfriend (she was a mean girl). I could tell you about the time I came across a video of my parents (HAHAHAHAHA). I could tell you about how I saw my girlfriend’s mum naked before I saw my girlfriend naked. I could tell you about the time I could have earned my Cougar stripes, but declined because I wanted to spend some quality time with my friends, and ended up regretting that deeply after realising that my friends are just arseholes and I couldn’t actually wait to leave them. I could tell you about the time my friend and I were stranded overnight in the Athens of the North, the capital of my great homeland, where my heart still roams, after seeing a very funny comedian. We decided to return to the train station via various (very handsome) pubs, only to find that there were actually no more trains. We then went to a shitty club and my friend went back to some girl’s flat, leaving me to sleep in Princes Street Gardens. But we breakfasted on the Royal Mile and visited the castle, so it was a pretty good trip all in all.

I’ll just stick with Harry Potter though I think. It really is remarkable. There are fascists, revolutionaries, fear and loathing, deep insights, poofs (hahaha), gingers with friends, wordplays, good vs. evil, right vs wrong, and the whole bildungsroman thing. The films greatly annoy me though. Not just because people dismiss Harry Potter, because they’re idiots. Or feel that with the end of the Harry Potter franchise their childhood is also ending, because they are also idiots. [I was going to link to two other wordpress blogs – they were saved in a draft but it isn’t worth the hassle of trying to find them. You would laugh though] It’s just the tiny little details that are ignored. There are too many to list. Rowling herself isn’t infallible. For example, at the beginning of The Chamber Of Secrets, when Harry and Ron are in trouble and are down in Snape’s office, McGonagall produces sandwiches out of thin air. Yet in the fifteenth chapter of The Deathly Hallows, it is explicitly stated that this is impossible, food being the first of the five Principal Exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration.


  There are more, but I forget. I have better things to do, which might be news to some.

  Someone recently told me that they find going to sleep whilst listening to Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter to be “creepy”. She also said that she was a massive fan, yet she only has on of the audio books. HMMM. Now this isn’t creepy at all. Incredibly sad, yes, and anybody who does so deserves to be pitied. Yet as long as there is a computer available, or battery on my iPod, and I can be with Harry, my asshole friends, empty bed and shitty life are much more manageable.

  I’m sure the audiobooks and Stephen Fry are the only reason I like Harry Potter so much. I should really try and get The Hobbit as well.