I’ve just been thinking a little bit about charity. I could have made a brief comment on Facebook, but that would probably be too nasty. These people are trying to do something positive, and who am I to shoot them down? Who am I to mock a girl, to reduce her to tears for taking touch rugby to the poor, abused African children?

People do all sorts of things for charity. The shave off their hair, they run or cycle long distances, they climb mountains and they jump out of planes. It could be argued that these are all selfish things to do. Running and climbing and jumping does very little to help those you are professing to help. They are things that benefit only you – the exercise and wellness of body, the sense of achievement, the physical rush, the additional note on the C.V.

Comic Relief does at least do something for you. Aside from a little education, it makes you laugh.

Similarly, if someone was going around raising money for whatever good cause, and relying on some act of their own to generate the cash instead of the good will of the donor, I would be more inclined to donate if they did something to benefit me. If they, say, carried my shopping, or massaged my feet, or performed sexual acts on myself, or performed sexual acts on an animal, or did a little dance whilst singing a little song, I would give them money. Or I would tell them so. I’ve never donated to Comic Relief. I never watch it these days, apart from odds and ends on Youtube.