That’s what I am and what I’ve been busy doing. Even the most caring of fathers  sometimes neglects their offspring. You were always in my mind though my pretties, nae danger power ranger.

I was working last week with my new business high up on a hill overlooking the beautiful bay and surrounding country. It was fantastic. I was standing in a trench that I was digging, telling him about Marx and Communism and all that. It was rather surreal. The poor sucker, being exploited like that, but think of all the money I’m earning!

We talked about a lot of stuff. He told me about a local pro surfer allegedly fucking a 15 year old local girl. My pal E- found it disgusting. He wishes he could do that, and hoped that the surfer made her put on her school uniform. He’s a dirty lecherous old man is our E-. E- was pleased to know that it’s not impossible for him after all, being of a similar age to this guy. He probably wouldn’t even need to be a pro surfer, he schmoozes all the chicks and they all love it. I was speaking to a teenage fella who confirmed this story about the surfer and the young girl, saying that he hooked up with her and she’s fucking loose, so don’t rule E- out. She’s from white trash city, so even better. Better wear a condom or two though.

Speaking of loose, I was informed that not only does size matter, but it matters more as one gets older as one’s downstairs becomes looser and flappier. That would explain the enormous rabbit. I was told by one girl that she wouldn’t suck or fuck this bloke she had been seeing because his willy was so small. I can only thank my parents for endowing me with such length and innate skill. The girth could be greater, but I have much to be grateful for.

Talking to teenagers round here has opened my eyes to how far out kids today are (and how racist Australians are).

This kind of stuff isn’t peculiar to Australia. Teenagers everywhere are fucking stupid twerps. I am glad that I am not one any more. My teenage years were tame and boring compared to those of many others and as depicted on television shows such as Skins. I may be as scarred and affected by this period in my life as others, but I would think for rather different reasons to many.

It’s almost my birthday, a great milestone marking a long time since I’ve been a teenager. They say that fifty is the new forty. I don’t feel as if I’ve ever been a teenager. I don’t really feel any different from when I was five. I’m looking out through the same eyes, just from a different place. For example I still love getting birthday presents, but now I also like it because it keeps up the consumption levels of my family and friends, it gives them reasons to buy things and keep the economy going, keeping people in jobs and helps keep people making money. It’s awesome. Win-win-win. Keep buying things.